When waiting is painful...

So, we are still waiting to exit IBESR and move on to court in Haiti. Waiting looks much different on this side of the 15 day socialization visit. Waiting is much harder; waiting is often painful. The tears are different because they are shed for little faces you have kissed, little hands you have held, and little hearts who want you to be with them.

I have committed my heart to soaking up whatever I am supposed to be learning during these next few months/year of waiting. I read a lot and I find myself checking other parents blogs regularly hoping that someone has received an update and is moving closer to bringing their child home. I often find it discouraging to know that such long periods of time lapse between any news for all of us. I give excuses for why it is such a long process, but I know it doesn't make sense. I haven't found anyone it makes sense to, so my rationality says that surely it will change in the future to become more efficient for the children waiting to be with their families BUT until then...I am learning some lessons.

Last night, when I was talking to God I felt this huge desire to convince Him that our boys NEED us, but then I was reminded to trust...To trust that our Creator has them...their Creator has them and we are but vessels to be used to fulfill His plan in the lives of His sons.

Psalm 139:13 says: For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. Verses 15-16 go on to say: My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. 

What a reminder that God is taking care of our boys. HE knows their future. No...I don't understand, but that's why I trust. Yes...some days prove more difficult than others, but I choose to trust in God's plan. My flesh creeps up and I feel a need to control things, but I am comforted to know that the God of the Universe has a plan for our boys. This trust doesn't take away my extreme desire to be with them immediately or my desire to hold them when they are sad or mitigate their brotherly quarrels, but it does give me a peace to know they are in good hands until I can (and will continue to be in His hands once they are home).

So while the waiting is hard I will rest on these words from Hebrews 12:2, Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...